My last final was today, and my thoughts are on the things to come.
I have read almost halfway through a book called, "The Johns," which is written from the perspective of a journalist on men who purchase sex. Now a crucial stage in every person's spiritual journey is the point at which they learn that they are not the judge, and therefore have no right to do so. For this reason I have always disliked it when women made insensitive comments about lewd men. By no means would I ever condone sexual immorality, but when one person passes judgement on another it is because they fail to understand the weakness of that person. This is always hypocritical because most people so easily overlook their own weaknesses because they understand what it means to have that weakness. From the same lips may also come a remark that metaphorically castrates males like, "boys will be boys." I'm not about to give a lecture about male identity, there are plenty out there, but it needs to be said: Men should be empowered to overcome their weaknesses, not told that they are sex crazed animals.
Alright, the actual purpose of this post is to talk about two important parts of prevention that I have not seen used before (and I believe necessary). The first is rather obvious. Sex education. Secularized sex education is awkward; essentially we are taught that you either have self control or you don't, if you can't control yourself you need to be safe, so use a condom. That.. is so far off base. Okay sex is not a bad or a shameful thing, God made sex. Right now your saying, "Connor is in that time of life where he thinks about these things, I already know this." Really? Do you? Are you ready to talk to your pre-adolescents about masturbation? Are you ready to talk with your husband and your kids about pornography? The later I will add, I will not suggest is wrong, it is wrong. I will tell you it is wrong. And this is why. (Granted I am gleaning this information from interviews and books without having a real understanding of middle aged life). The most intriguing part of this book I'm reading is the one that talks about married men. One reason that men interviewed in this book gave for going to a prostitute is because they can have sex with their wife, but they want nasty sex. I probably should put a warning somewhere that I am a rather blunt person, I'm sorry if this entire post makes you uncomfortable. Anyway, would it be far-fetched of me to blame this on pornography? Where else would masses of men get the fantasies they do? Once more, a talk about pornography is not the purpose of this blog, you can find many elsewhere.
Another common account of men who purchase sex looks something like this, "I got married and it was great for a few years, and then my wife stopped caring about the way she looked, complained of a perpetual headache whenever I was in the mood, and just generally complained all the time." Now I'm sure the men had their own inadequacies, but this post is not about the give and take of a marriage. People are expected to provide financially, emotionally, and a myriad of other things for their spouses and family. So why is it acceptable to have a sexual fallout in a marriage? Nuerochemically it is no different than any other desire, it is no more selfish than anything else expected in marriage. I am definitely not trying to shirk male responsibility, but I just wonder the damage it could do to the sex industry if married couples actually fulfilled each other. And maybe if they added a little... er.. variety. Now, my final addition to this; I know that none of this is monumental, maybe I am just in a "time of life." Men need to be affirmed, sex is a very emotional thing for males in which their spouse can express their admiration and love. That said, sex is not the only place that is expressed. Men need respect and admiration, and loathe nagging.
The point of all of that was simply to say that perhaps a lot of prevention could be done in the area of marriage and family therapy.
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